|Mandy Hale. Photo Courtesy |
of Mandy Hale
BY: Mandy Hale, “The Single Woman”
He’s mysterious. He’s a bit of an enigma. We think we have him figured out one minute, and the next, we’re just trying to keep up. He sings passionate love songs…yet we rarely hear much about his personal life. He’s a firecracker on stage…yet sometimes shy and reserved face-to-face. He’s the object of desire for legions of women across the world…but he’s happily married. And he laughs when you call him a romantic…swears he’s not, even…but the very next minute he’s telling you a story about the song he wrote about a girl he used to see on the subway at age 14 who he fell in love with from afar but never quite got the nerve to talk to.
Just who IS Jordan Knight?
A few days ago, I asked my readers and followers to submit their most burning questions they wanted the male perspective on…without telling them that Jordan would be the male perspective.
Since the only thing possibly MORE mysterious than Jordan is the male mind itself, it seemed to make sense that by asking Jordan to weigh in on some of things that puzzle women most about men, perhaps the other mystery – Jordan himself – would be solved.
Sometimes you peek behind the curtain of a magic show, or a band, or even a person or a relationship…and you’re disappointed.
But every once in awhile, you peek behind the curtain, and the person you see standing there shines just as bright with the spotlight nowhere in sight.
My phone rings promptly at the time Jordan and I had agreed upon for the interview (a rarity in the business.) It’s snowing in Boston, he says. “My son thinks he made it snow,” he continues. “He told me this morning, ‘Daddy, I wished for snow last night and it snowed!’” He laughs, sounding less like the lead singer of one of the most successful boybands of all time and platinum solo artist and more like a proud papa.
He’s on his way to rehearsal for his upcoming solo tour, “Jordan Knight: Live & Unfinished,” which will be hitting a series of handpicked cities across North America over the next couple of months. After a wildly successful summer tour with NKOTB, where they teamed up with Backstreet Boys to create supergroup NKOTBSB, Jordan says as much as he loves his band of brothers, he’s excited, if a little nervous, to fly solo again.
“With solo shows, there’s a self satisfaction,” he explains. “You feel really accomplished, like ‘Man, I’m doing this by myself!’ With a group, you feel like you’re part of something a lot bigger. It feels like a brotherhood. For me, both are necessary.”
With an overwhelmingly female audience, it’s not unusual to think that Jordan might have picked up a word of wisdom or two along the way for the fairer sex. What is unusual was the candor and genuineness with which he spoke. Within minutes I felt like I was getting advice from one of my guy friends rather than interviewing Jordan Knight.
The popularity of the book and the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” (which Jordan hasn’t seen but is familiar with the concept) has left many a woman scratching her head, wondering: Are relationships and love REALLY as black and white as they seem?
It was time to find out.
TheSW: As women, society and our moms and friends and the movies always teach us that guys only “pick on girls they like.” Is this true, or is it actually the opposite?
JK: I think there’s truth to that. Sometimes when two people are fighting, it’s kind of like there’s some kind of tension there. Why would somebody really even care to fight with you or pick on you if they didn’t care? I think if they didn’t pick at you, it means they’re not interested in you. Sometimes you try to get a person’s attention by being an irritant.
TheSW: Well, then, that aside…how does a girl know if a guy is REALLY into her?
JK: Little things. Like, is he asking about your life? Is he in tune with your life? Does he really genuinely take time to talk about your life? If you’re spending time trying to make him care, then he isn’t into you. He’s into himself. I think all ladies need to know the secret, though. The way to make somebody into you is to stop trying to get them to be into you. If they’re not into you, do your own thing. Hang out with your friends. Everybody wants what they can’t get.
TheSW: So there’s truth to the whole “hard to get” theory. Men like it when women play hard to get?
JK: If you’re always trying to pull something out of the guy, you create exactly what you don’t want. You’re going to get exactly what you see wrong with that person. It’s human nature. Women don’t like guys who do that, either. If a guy’s always nagging you or being jealous or checking in on you and acting insecure, you’re not gonna want anything to do with that guy. You want a guy who has his own thing going on. It’s not a man or woman thing. It’s a human thing. We all want what we can’t get. Don’t want what you can’t get. Let the other person want what he CAN’T get. Be ungettable and you shall get.
TheSW: That said, who should be the one to initiate the date – the man or the woman? Do men like it when a woman asks them out, or does it take away the “thrill of the case?”
TheSW: Speaking of “the thrill of the case,” why does it seem like as soon as a guy “catches” a girl, he loses interest?
JK: It goes back to everybody wants what they can’t get. You should always make yourself a little unattainable. Of course, at some point that has to come to an end. But if you think love and a man is going to provide you with everlasting happiness, that’s not the greatest attitude. If a man sees that without him, you’re gonna be fine and you’re gonna live a happy life, I think that’s attractive. Don’t just sit at home waiting for the guy. You have to have your own thing going on, not wait on somebody else to provide you happiness in your life. You’ve gotta provide happiness for yourself first, and then other people are going to want to join the party.
TheSW: So what’s sexier for the woman to wear to the party? Jeans and a t-shirt, or a LBD?
JK: Both. Don’t be looking ragged ladies, don’t do it! (Laughs) Men like women who are put together. No doubt about that. But you can still have it going on and have it together in a t-shirt and jeans. That is very sexy. If you can rock both, that’s great.
TheSW: So let’s say at this party, a guy asks for a girl’s number but never calls. What does this mean?
JK: He could have lost the number, he could have been interested at the time but now he’s distracted…there are many different things. Maybe he’s scared or nervous to call. Or he could be just not that into you. There is truth to the “just not that into you” phenomenon. The more you accept that, the better off you are. Move on. Don’t think of striking out as a failure, or somebody not calling you as a failure…it’s just another step in finding somebody. Don’t fear rejection. Don’t put so much emphasis on it. It just may not be the right time or the right person. So what?
TheSW: What about the serial texters, who never call, but always text?
JK: If a guy’s into you, I would think he would wanna hear your voice and enjoy talking to you. You can only get so much out of texting. Plus, is he only texting you at 2:30 in the morning on a Friday night? If you’re only getting booty calls, you have to decide if that’s enough for you.
TheSW: Is chivalry dead?
JK: I don’t think chivalry is dead. I do think you teach people how to treat you. You carry yourself in a certain way, people are going to treat you a certain way. Holding a door for a woman, little things like that…I don’t think that’s dead. I like doing that kind of stuff just because it makes me feel good, and it shows my wife that I love her.
TheSW: A lot of ladies asked “How do you know when you’ve met The One?” How did you know?
JK: It’s kinda like…you just know. It’s almost like if you have to ask the question, maybe you haven’t met the one. In my case, I just felt like I could be myself. I felt like I didn’t have to worry about down the road…does this person like me for frivolous reasons or because I have money or because I’m famous? I didn’t have to worry about all of that. It’s just an intuition…how do you feel around that person? I felt calm and safe. If you’re always on edge and you’re always worried, then that’s probably a good sign that it’s not ‘The One.’
TheSW: Do you believe in love at first sight?
JK: I believe in love at first sight, sure…but love over time has to be nurtured. You have to grow with that person, you have to grow yourself, and your love will grow. It’s not as easy as love at first sight if you wanna go long term. It’s not gonna be as easy as ‘The Honeymoon Stage’ for the rest of your life. There are gonna be challenges for sure. There is no eternal bliss in love. To have a long-lasting loving relationship, you have to look at yourself and you have to see where you’re going wrong instead of trying to change the other person. I think that’s the only way to have a relationship. Don’t overestimate your ability to change another person and don’t underestimate your ability to change yourself. If you’re always focusing on changing yourself, the relationship will keep getting better. If you’re focusing on changing the other person, the relationship will stay stuck.
TheSW: Well, let’s say the couple doesn’t make it past the Honeymoon Stage. In that case, do you think it’s possible to be friends with an ex?
JK: I guess anything’s possible, but ask yourself the question: Why are you trying to be friends with your ex? Let’s be honest, folks. Are you just trying to get the ex back? Let’s not lie to ourselves. If you have a boyfriend and you’re telling your boyfriend “My ex is just my friend,” just make a choice between the two and go one way or the other. (Laughing) Why torture all of us?
TheSW: Any final words of wisdom for single women?
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Jordan Knight is currently touring the U.S. on his “Live & Unfinished” tour. To learn more about the man behind the answers and to see if he’s coming to a city near you, visit http://www.jordanknight.com/.